Birthday Blues
by ScottyBgood
Summary: It's that special day, and Jade feels driven to go out and explore her past, just so she can maybe understand her present. This is for those who are getting older, and the changes that come with. One shot.


Disclaimer: Don't own.

Just a little something for both Liz and jade's birthdays, since we've been told they're on the same day. Happy birthday to our favorite psychopath.

:}

The 26th of July. Jade hated this day, for the simple fact that it was her birthday. All her life, it'd only ever been a letdown, a disappointment where she was only reminded of how different her life was from that of other people. Not that she helped, because by the time she had friends willing to try and make it special, she was already, for lack of a better word, jaded. However, that didn't change the fact that, as far back as she could remember, nothing good had come out of her birthday. She used to think it couldn't get much worse.

Of course, she was wrong. Ignoring what happened on her tenth birthday, something she's spent years trying to block out, all her celebrations had just been letdowns. Not even trying to live up to the bare minimum ideal she had in her mind, of friends wishing her a happy day, cake and games and the image of her smiling. Presents that she might actually want. At least one person giving a damn about her enough to have guessed, or even asked, what she wanted, so she could have something, even something small, that proved that they cared enough to pay attention to her. Jade hated being ignored.

'Of course, on my tenth birthday, I'd rather have been ignored.' She thought before pushing that memory deep into the recesses of her mind. Today, she was walking, because that was her escape, to literally walk away, get out of wherever she was. Okay, she did bring her troubles with her, but at lest the exercise let her know more about herself then just she was walking. 'Then, there's the buss, cause L.A.'s so big, I need to cheat sometimes.'

Jade took time off from her crappy job, not to celibate her birthday, but because the last time she tried to work through it, things went sideways. 'That was two years ago, right after Beck broke up with me. I guess I should be glad he chose to do it before my birthday, and not on it. Still, that was a hard day.'

She remembered that day, working in the music store, selling instruments and offering piano lessons to those who wanted them. 'I had a rough day that day, thinking Beck would be back, that someone, anyone would call. Only, I burnt the last of my bridges. The only person among those I once called fiend who wanted to talk to me was Cat, and she once again washed her jacket with her phone in it. Lost my contact information and everything. It wasn't until I called her, the next day, that I found out she remembered. That was about all she could have done, remember. But it was enough...'

'Only, it wasn't.' Jade watched the road ahead of her, measuring each step from the bus stop to her destination, sure of where she was heading. 'Last year, I headed someplace else. But lets not get ahead of ourselves. No, two years ago was when I found out that no one remembered, or no one cared, and I found out from Cat, who was nice enough to apologize for everyone else ignoring my birthday. Seems, they all chose Beck over me. Can't much blame them. For some, like Andre, I pretty much told them to. But I was so sure they'd remember my birthday...'

She remembered the pain of being forgotten, alone in the crowd. She hated her job, hated that her birthday didn't mean anything to them. She hated that she went home to an empty apartment, sitting alone in the half light, watching the scissoring, and for the first time in years, wishing that Tawney would step out of the screen and rip her guts out. 'That was the first time it hurt. Hardly the last, right?' Her mind spiraled off towards the future past, last year, her first birthday where she was totally on her own.

'I wasn't working for the music store any more. My scholarship had saved enough money that I could pay my bills, all on my own, so I took a job that I hoped would help me make friends.' Jade reminded herself. 'Okay, I took a job where I wasn't constantly in danger of being let go, cause they're on fucking commission. What kind of music store is on commission? I mean, that was a hard lesson, that once out of high school, running away from the threatening woman is an option. I couldn't intimidate anyone into buying things, so I had to rely upon my other interpersonal skills. Hard lesson, learning I had no idea how to sell. Fuck, I didn't, don't even know how to flirt. I just, I was lost at that job, so I took another one, some place that payed a little better, and let me have a chance to learn about how to deal with others. I worked for a security company, cause they hire warm bodies, and tried to learn how to get along. Man, I hated the people I dealt with. If they weren't hitting on me, or telling me to do extra work, they ignored me. I was just a cog in the machine. A cog that had to document every step of every day. It was torture. And not the good kind. But, they gave my my birthday off...' Her body shook, to the point where she said something out loud. "You're not alone…." I took a few moments for her to stop shaking.

Once in control of her pain, Jade let her mind race back to her first day of wandering, what a colossal lesson that had become. 'I had no friends.' She reminded herself. "Alone in the fucking crowd. I was holding on by a thread, trying to find some way to let my creativity out, let it save me. I wanted to prove my father wrong, let him know I could survive without him. Only, I was failing. We all were. I checked, what I could, but as far as I could tell, none of my friends were making it. Not that I could call them. I had to give up my phone. Switched to a pay as you go, let myself save money. It was so hard...'

Jade forced herself to stand tall, even if it meant stopping from her wondering. "No, I'm not gonna let that bastard win. I will survive. If nothing else, I will live, prove I didn't need them. I can make it, all on my own if I have too. I mean, it's not like I have that much of a choice..."

She shook her head. 'No, not gonna be sad. Not today.' She instructed herself. Her emotions seemed to want to do something else. So, in the face of possible tears, Jade finished this part of her journey. Quickly, almost too quickly, she found herself outside that the secure building she'd been living in up to just a couple of weeks ago.

Jade spent the next ten minutes patiently waiting for someone to open the front door, then using that opportunity to slip into the building. 'This used to be home.' She reminded herself. 'The secure but crappy building, the small fucking apartment where I spent Valentines day, alone, drunk. I spent new years at work, getting overtime, but Christmas, I worked some of it, but the rest, at home, sober, and let me tell you, getting drunk drove the pain away, but it didn't make things better. No, I just found I remembered more, and hurt a fuckload more later. I hated that.'

She found the third story apartment where she'd lived for almost four years after high school. 'I wonder, did they move someone in who would appreciate the fact that this place is close to UCLA, and the beach, and all kinds of things to do? Or did that room get contaminated by me, making whomever is there now face an eternity of loneliness. I spent almost a year and a half alone, and last year, it was just too much. I sat here, thinking, hurting, until I couldn't take it any more. Now, I'm home, and it doesn't feel like home. It feels like the prison I hid in while trying to make my life happen. What a waste of time….'

Jade turned on her heels and walked out, not bothering to knock, no longer caring who now lived in her old apartment. 'No, that wasn't a happy past. It's not like going to the house I lived in, only to find out my mother moved. Or heading to my dad's home, so close to begging him to micromanage my life, just to not be alone any more. This place, it's not full of happy memories. I was a prisoner here. I may have held the key, but I was still isolated, driven mad by the loss of human contact.'

Jade would stew in that though for short Lyft ride she took, now having some saved money to spend, heading off to her next detestation. Jade was willing to spend the money to avoid the long bus ride. 'Last time, a year ago, it was eating away at me, all the people watching, trying to decide if any of those freaks was as miserable as I was.' She thought, still eyeing her driver, mostly because every man driving reminded her of a rapist.

She got out in front of the quiet house in the Hollywood hills. Her eyes took the whole building in, remembering something odd for a day like this. Happy memories. "Casa Vega, the home of the thorn in my side, and the girl Beck was supposed to wind up with. Only, I was in the way.' Jade thought, remembering last year, after her painful bus ride, standing almost in the exact same spot. "Last year, I was here, and it was getting dark, and they had the lights on. I remember the sounds of music, like they were having a party, or celebrating something. It was so inviting. I almost walked over, knocked on the door.' Her smile faded, falling like her hopes. 'Only, I knew what kind of monster I'd been. How could I have knocked, invaded what was probably a private family affair, when I was as welcome as the plague. No, I remember how much it hurt, realizing that here, the one place I had a lot of happy memories, despite it being Vega's home, was now barred to me. I mean, back then I assumed that Beck had just hooked up with Tori, the two of them were happy. Hell, I wanted them together, happy. It's what you want for people you care about, even if it's not with you….' Her eyes were watering again. 'Guessing I'm ready for my next stop...'

Jade turned and walked into the night, not much caring about the fact that she was a girl, walking alone down a Los Angeles street. She had a detestation to reach. 'I remember the bar I chose, so desperate to have anyone care about me. The guy who tried to pick me up, he was so nice, charming, I almost fell for it. Only, the bartender knew I wasn't drinking, only ordered apple juice, so when I started acting all drunk, he called the bouncer, who called the police, and I spent the rest of my birthday in the hospital, sleeping off a dose of date rape drugs. Funny, I doubt it was the guy I was talking with, but in a strange way I'm grateful, cause while I could have been violated, in the end it saved me from letting my desperation make me do something I'd regret.'

Jade was walking, thinking, to the point where she almost didn't notice the car turn around in the street, starting to shadow her. 'After that, I started frequenting bars, always getting things in bottles so I could protect myself. Cap on while I'm not drinking, and keep an eye on it at all times. Met a lot of guys, all of whom got my old phone number. No one I wanted to have a physical relationship with, not after the desperation was, not gone so much as reduced. I found a way to survive, expensive as it was, because I now knew I could at least talk to people, have me some human contact. I just had to whore myself out... Metaphorically. I dressed to meet, and they all took the chance to sneak a look.'

Her phone was ringing, the only warning that the car following her was almost on top of her. Jade, deep in her memories, pulled herself out of her thoughts to answer her cheap, pay as you go phone. "What?"

"I'm almost on top of you." Came the reply. "When I pull over, get the fuck in."

Jade looked around, for the first time noticing the car that had been stalking her. Inside, she could clearly see Tori Vega, looking less then happy to be out at this hour. Stopping, despite knowing this wasn't gonna be good, Jade waited for her ride to pull up. Moments later, the passenger door popped open, and Jade climbed into the car. "There's a bar on Gilroy." Jade said, trying not to look too guilty.

"Not moving until you greet me properly." The Latina stated, sounding less then happy to be in the car.

"How'd you find me?" Jade asked, not looking at her ride.

"I was talking to dad about something." Tori replied. "Like how I'd find my missing girlfriend, who took today off just to head out and walk, WALK around the city, all alone, through who knows what neighborhoods. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that it'd been years since I could afford a car." Jade snapped. "I take the bus, when I can, and I even took a Lyft when I had to get here from U.C.L.A."

"Let me get you a car." Tori growled.

"I'm not a kept woman." Jade snapped back, but her voice was low, hurt.

"Who said…?" Tori sighed, a frustrated sound that almost was giving up. "You're impossible."

"Love me?" Jade asked.

"Despite my best interests, yes." Tori replied, trying not to sound as frustrated as she was.

"Sorry I'm so bad for you." The pale girl added.

"Not so much bad for me as, I don't know, you take risks you shouldn't." The brown eyed girl said. "Jade, you're in a relationship. You're used to this. You know how to do this, how to be in a relationship. Just, don't make me worry."

"I wanted to be home with you." Jade said. "But you had to work, and I had things I felt I needed to remember."

"I'm getting you something." Tori stated. "Just so you won't be walking."

"I rode the bus." Jade said, feeling less then sure that her argument would make Tori any less upset.

They drove off in silence, heading towards a different part of the Hollywood hills, the place where Tori now lived. The place where the two of them had lived for the last three months. 'Gonna be a while before I get used to this, us.' Jade, despite herself, smiled. 'Eight months ago, we met up at one of my infrequent bar trips, a place kinda far from here. I remember thinking that I was going some place no one would know me, and who's band was playing? Tori fucking Vega.'

She remembered that day, running into Tori at that bar, talking, too needy to just walk out, and so sure Tori would never speak with her again. Instead, the singer asked if she could spend the night with Jade. 'Said she didn't wanna spring her being home on her folks yet, cause she got enough pressure from them for being out on the road all the time. I thought, hell, it won't be too long, cause Vega seemed like the type to go home for Thanksgiving, and we were only a few days away.'

Her blue eyes shifted, looking out the side of her eye towards the other girl. 'We went back to my place, that crappy apartment where I was living, where I had less then five hundred square feet, and we stayed together for the three days until she had to head home.' She shook her head. 'She admitted to having a thing for me, and I admitted to being desperately lonely, with no classes to distract mecfor the rest of the week, and we talked.' Jade was blushing. 'Then we made love for three days straight, only parting long enough for her to drag me home with her. And, to smooth things over, she said I was her girlfriend. I was so sure I was gonna die….'

"So, why the color?" Tori asked, smirking. "Your face…?"

"Just remembering how I became your girlfriend." Jade noted.

"Bet you thought I was kidding, or using you to placate my parents." The singer said.

"What was I supposed to think?" The blue eyed girl said. "We don't talk for two years, then we meet up, screw for three days straight, and next thing I know, I'm having thanksgiving with your family, being introduced as your girlfriend. Other then being sure your dad was gonna take me up to the desert and shoot me, I had no idea what to think."

"That maybe being on the road all the time was as lonely, in it's own right, as your self imposed isolation?" Tori suggested. "I'll admit, it was a risk, but you know how to be in a relationship..."

"A dysfunctional relationship." Jade corrected.

"And the longest I've been with a guy was eleven months." The singer finished. "Jade, we have nearly eight wonderful months behind us. Enjoy the fact that this is meant to be."

"You know, if you hadn't won that fucking lottery, we'd still be talking through video chat." Jade sniped.

"We won the lottery." Tori corrected. "And I used that money to insure we'd never be poor. Now, I have the time, the resources, to make a real album, and to live the life. Baby, you're part of what I want. Can't I just have what I want?"

"Back in high school, you always got what you wanted." Jade said, not meaning it to be mean, yet having it come out as jealous.

"I didn't sell that song to Kojeezy." Tori said. "Never hated babies as much as I did that day."

"Hard to believe you hated babies." Jade commented.

"And I didn't get you." Tori finished. "I know, I probably wouldn't have you now if I'd had you then, but I get you now, and that's more then enough."

"Still hate babies?" Jade asked as they arrived at their home. Technically, it was two homes, since Tori had bought a small compound, consisting of the two homes connected by a single driveway that led to each house, their garages, as well as offering a turnaround. Tori and Jade lived in the five bedroom home, while Trina lived in the four bedroom neighboring house. Both had views of the city. Tori and Jade had the pool, the Jacuzzi, and the space for parties. Trina and her roommates had plenty of room to live and enjoy. It was, to the singers mind, ten million well spent.

"I've got some people coming over." Tori said, ignoring Jade's question. "They'll be here soon."

"What do you need from me?" Jade asked, not wanting to get in the way of Tori's burgeoning business deals.

"Just be the fucking birthday girl." Tori snapped. "Jade, I know you hate parties, but given what you've told me, I figured this was better then me missing your day. Besides, it's good business relations."

"You won the fudging money." Jade said. "You don't have to do a thing."

"I'm putting out an album." Tori reminded her wife. "I'm working through a small, semi-independent label, and I need these people to help me promote our work." The brown eyes dug into her mate. "I have you performing on the album too. Jade, this is our moment..."

Jade sighed. "Fine, but Trina had better be there." Jade hated to admit how much, in the last five months, the older girl had become her ally.

Jade had to admit that so much had changed, now that she had someone who cared. She had someone who loved her, and for the first time in her memory, had bothered to celebrate her birthday. 'Not counting what happened when I was ten. God, that was janked up.' She even had finally made friends with her lovers sister, someone as desperate to do things her own way as Jade. Jade entered the house, taking a moment to start greeting guests, since the party had already started, and she reflected on how unfamiliar it felt to have even the pretense of someone caring this much.

"So much for your annual pity party." Trina teased, smiling to let the pale girl know she was loved.

Jade, for her part, had to let that dark, broken part of her fade as she felt her fake smile start to become more and more real. Surrounded by people, many of whom she didn't like, it was still the best birthday she'd ever had. 'Next year.' She told herself. 'Next year, I finish that tour.'

Tori took her hand to lead her to the next group of people she just had to meet, cause in a party like this, helping Jade's career was also one of the goals, and Jade settled in for what she dreaded would be a fun night.

:}

There you have it, a story that I wrote over the last year, cause I get inspired at odd times. Not caring how good it is, just wanted to celebrate this special day, and this is a different take on Jori. Hope you enjoyed it.

And because I have to say it, Review.


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